Wishful Thinking

We’ve all been there.  Kicking ass at a game of Beirut when suddenly a cup on the back row slides off the table after being hit by a pong ball because there’s just a tiny bit of beer under it.

Well, as it turns out, there’s a way to stop that from happening without rigging up some crazy magnet system or cutting holes.

Oddly enough I was actually trying to make my table slicker when I did this, but discovered I actually had done the exact opposite.

Needed Supplies:

1. A Beirut Table (This must be a dedicated Beirut table because once you complete the steps below reversing the process will be near impossible.)
2. 1 Box of Paraffin Wax
3. A hard plastic scraper (snowboard shops have great ones, but almost anything that’s rigid and straight will do)
4. A snowboard iron or a regular iron that you never plan on using on clothes again
5. Beer

These steps are essentially the same as waxing a snowboard (or skis, if you’re a two planker), so if there is someone in your group then get them to do it.  Unless they are lazy and just take their board to the shop.  Remember reversing this process is near impossible without damaging the table, so make sure you really want to do it.

Step 1:  Using the iron, melt the wax and drip it on the table.  (Be careful, you can easily burn yourself doing this.)  You want to distribute it as evenly as possible and cover everything as best you can.

Step 2:  Iron the table.  Yup, you read that correctly.  Ironing the wax spots ensures that wax fills every nook and cranny.  Leave it go long enough that you can see the wax liquify but don’t let it start burning.

Step 3:  You are done with the iron, drink a beer.

Step 4:  Using the hard plastic scraper, start at an edge, and firmly scrape across the table in a straight line.  Continue this process until you scrape the whole table.

Step 5:  Feel the table to make sure it is smooth and there are no spots missing wax.  If you find a spot missing wax repeat steps 1-3.  If you feel a spot that isn’t smooth, but it isn’t missing wax, simply repeat step 3.

Step 6:  Clear off all the wax scrapings.

Step 7: Drink a beer and call your buddies over for some fun!

Done correctly the cups will move a little bit if there is no beer or water under them, but it will be very little.  As soon as beer gets on the table though, those cups don’t budge an inch.  I took a full cup of water and slid it across the table to a spot where I poured some water and it just stopped dead in it’s tracks.  If I sat and thought about it I might actually be able to tell you why, but I’m bored, and I want to play rock band, so you’re just going to have to be satisfied with it works damn it!