Wishful Thinking

I spent the last weekend at Sam & Caitlin’s wedding in VT and I learned a couple of things.

1. Jews know how to have a great wedding (words I don’t understand are brilliant)
2. I really miss hanging out with Sam (Caitlin too I guess :P)
3. My family is slowly killing me

When I put all these things together, I thought to myself that I really need to get on the moving to Chicago thing.  Then, during a pit stop I made in Boston before I even started heading home I got a call from home detailing all the problems I was walking into, and that really was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

My family and I have grown this incredibly unhealthy cross dependency.  My parents rely on me to take care of things that really shouldn’t have to be taken care of (e.g. being my mom’s personal EMT).  In return my parents have been my financial crutch.  Now you might say well it’s possible that this is an even trade off, especially since it means I get to spend a lot of time with my little brother, but it is failing miserably.

A lot of it has to do with the outside factors.  People around here are too ignorant and generally do not share my views.  I can deal with people that disagree with me as long as they take the time to get educated about topics they are going to fiercely debate.  “Obama is a terrorist because his middle name is Hussein,” unacceptable. “I disagree with Obama’s left leaning policies because democratic policies that have cost us great deals of money have shown little progress and as of yet there has not been proposed a well detailed plan for any social changes thus far.  Further, Congresses inability to sit down and even be civil across party lines makes me worry that whatever is brought to the floor will end up being so watered down that it will spend money and not actually do anything worth while,” acceptable.  Which argument do you think I get more of here?

All my friends here have changed since high school, for the worse in my opinion.  My best friend all throughout high school is a borderline alcoholic and hanging out with him is simply not enjoyable anymore.  Everyone else pretty much falls into the category mentioned above.  Which, if that works for them and they can have a good life, great, but I can’t spend every day knowing that a lot of them wouldn’t talk to me anymore if I actually let them know my beliefs.

Then of course there is the job market, which just doesn’t exist.  The only available jobs are so far away that it’s simply not worth it.  I don’t mind working a job that’s not my ideal, but if you are spending all day in the car to go to a job where you are making almost nothing and are completely miserable, well then I think living as a bum on the beach is almost more worth while.

While I could go further I think you get the point.  Nothing is going my way here.  So why Chicago?  For one, as stated previously, I really miss hanging out with Sam.  The few times we see each other we spend most of the time telling stories about college, well, I’d like to create some more new memories for us to be nostalgic about years down the road.  Second I met a whole bunch of people from Chicago at the wedding that were just fantastic so I’m already off to a good start with meeting new people.

I thought about going back to Boston, but for me Boston is pretty much a closed book.  The few times I’ve been there since I graduated I’ve realized that outside of the college there is nothing there for me.  Almost all of my friend have moved on, and the couple that are still there I wasn’t quite close enough with for me to feel comfortable with just jumping back in.  Not to say I couldn’t move back there one day if a great opportunity came up or I was to move there with someone, but right now it’s kind of a crazy idea.

San Francisco was great, but it’s the kind of place I love to visit but when I lived there I couldn’t really find my own identity.  The city just pushes itself on you so much that you either loose your identity and adopt the San Fran lifestyle or you leave, which is what I did.  My only problem with Salt Lake City was that I had no one there (which didn’t help matters in SF).  The snow is enough reason for me to go back, but similar to Boston I need a great opportunity or I need to go with someone for it to work out.

I just have a gut feeling that this is the right move for me.  And maybe, in some ways, I’m jumping out on a limb hoping that I’m right, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take.  I saw something in me in VT that I had never known was there, and it made me incredibly happy, so I need to keep bringing that out.

I’ve never been good, or for that matter graceful, at moving on to something new in my life, I tend to leave behind people that don’t really understand why I’m doing what I’m doing, or why I didn’t visit them to say good bye.  That will probably not change this time around, my heart is in a different place, and I’m not going to make the same mistake again, so to all my friends who I haven’t gotten to see enough in my time in PA I apologize, trust me, I still care about you, and I will be back to visit, I just have to take this leap.

Goodbye, and God Bless.